Hi sweet girl,
Since I wrote to you last, so much has changed, yet again. I promise we're only doing all of this transitioning for you, even if it's taking us longer to meet you. Family has always been one of the most important things to me. Family can mean so many different things to many people. Some consider family to only be people who are blood related to them, some don't know or relate to any one who is related by blood, and to your Dad and I, blood relation does not matter. At all.
You are going to meet so many different kids and families and every one of them will look different than ours in some way. Just remember, different does not mean bad. Differences are what makes the world less boring and more fun and loving. Just because we may not be your birth parents, doesn't mean we love you any less than any other kids with their families. We love you just as much, if not more. I know that when we first meet and for months or who knows how long, you will miss what you remember as your family. You will miss your birth parents and your old house and pets and all the great people you had in your life before you came to live with complete strangers in a new house, in a new neighborhood and with a new family. It will always be okay that you miss your family. When God created you, me, Dad, and every person on Earth, He made our hearts big enough to love endless amounts of people, as much as you want, as long as you want.
What that means if just because you've got new parents and a new family and a new home, doesn't mean you can't still love your old house and pets and family, it just means your heart grows to love more people. You will continue to keep loving more and more people in your life for your whole life.
I pray you will always remember this, you will always choose love, you love people who love you exactly as you are back and most importantly, you always remember how much I will always love you. Even when you make a mistake, have troubles with attachment and lash out, say you don't love me....I will ALWAYS love you.
We are working on the process of bringing your home someday, I pray it's someday soon and you are kept loved, safe and protected. I know God has put all these setbacks there for some reason. I trust in Him that we are just not ready to meet right now yet, I trust in His timing, not mine as much as I miss you and wish you were here, but someday soon sweet girl.
P.S. We painted your room today, put your bed and bedding together, but are waiting to decorate it with you. Getting your room ready broke my heart in some ways, knowing I have not clue when you'll be home to sleep in your bed, how old you are, or even what your favorite color is. I promise it will be here ready and waiting for you to come home and play in it and be the missing piece to our family, forever and ever.
I love you so much.
Xoxo,
Mama
Sunday, December 4, 2016
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Patience is a Virtue
Hi love,
I know it's been a while since I've posted, but that doesn't mean I haven't thought about you every single day. Lots has been going on in your Dad and my lives, but we are praying they and all the stress that came along with it will make your life that much easier and better for all of us.
We've always known we wanted to raise you in Southern Oregon, where I was born and raised and where the big majority of your family will live. We loved Forest Grove where your Dad was raised and your grandparents still live for now, but know that the amount of family we have down there will be better for you in the long run, so we decided to pull the trigger and move down now!
It's definitely been difficult changing life around down here, finding new jobs and a new home to raise you in, but hope you'll love it here as much as I did growing up.
Your family down here is huge, crazy, funny, loving and overly protective which will quickly extend to you too. Growing up, family has always been everything to me. Always trying to live up to their hopes and dreams for me and always trying to exceed their expectations. I have succeeded in a lot of things and I have failed in many more things, but they still love me so unconditionally, just like I will for you.
I pray that you will grow to know if you fail at things, if you succeed at things and whatever you do, your whole family will love you exactly the same; either way.
It's been far more difficult living down here without you yet than I could have ever imagined. We moved down here solely to give you a better life. I know it's put off meeting you just a little but longer, but I know it will be worth it in the long run.
Patience in Hebrew means, "to hope for, to look for, to wait for, to expect for." Which is exactly what we're doing, with a little less grace than I would have hoped, but never the less, still trying for.
Psalm 37:7 says," Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out the evil devices."
Love, we are doing our best to follow this commandment and know so fully that He is taking care of you until we can and we pray He is letting you know we are out there patiently waiting for you, loving you and praying for you.
We love you sweet girl.
Xoxo, Mama
I know it's been a while since I've posted, but that doesn't mean I haven't thought about you every single day. Lots has been going on in your Dad and my lives, but we are praying they and all the stress that came along with it will make your life that much easier and better for all of us.
We've always known we wanted to raise you in Southern Oregon, where I was born and raised and where the big majority of your family will live. We loved Forest Grove where your Dad was raised and your grandparents still live for now, but know that the amount of family we have down there will be better for you in the long run, so we decided to pull the trigger and move down now!
It's definitely been difficult changing life around down here, finding new jobs and a new home to raise you in, but hope you'll love it here as much as I did growing up.
Your family down here is huge, crazy, funny, loving and overly protective which will quickly extend to you too. Growing up, family has always been everything to me. Always trying to live up to their hopes and dreams for me and always trying to exceed their expectations. I have succeeded in a lot of things and I have failed in many more things, but they still love me so unconditionally, just like I will for you.
I pray that you will grow to know if you fail at things, if you succeed at things and whatever you do, your whole family will love you exactly the same; either way.
It's been far more difficult living down here without you yet than I could have ever imagined. We moved down here solely to give you a better life. I know it's put off meeting you just a little but longer, but I know it will be worth it in the long run.
Patience in Hebrew means, "to hope for, to look for, to wait for, to expect for." Which is exactly what we're doing, with a little less grace than I would have hoped, but never the less, still trying for.
Psalm 37:7 says," Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out the evil devices."
Love, we are doing our best to follow this commandment and know so fully that He is taking care of you until we can and we pray He is letting you know we are out there patiently waiting for you, loving you and praying for you.
We love you sweet girl.
Xoxo, Mama
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Home Study
Hello love,
We just got our final copy of our homestudy! This is a huge step in getting to meet you and although we are growing impatient, the light is getting closer and we know how overwhelmingly worth it this all is.
Our homestudy makes us out to be these perfect people. This perfect family who you are supposed to fit perfectly into. Are we perfect? Absolutely not. But are we perfect for each other? Absolutely.
We know our homestudy may not describe exactly who we are and we have far more faults than that are listed, but what we do know is that our love for you is depicted perfectly and the most important thing? God knows our hearts and your heart better than any piece of paper or meeting can do. I know that He will put us together because we are meant to be. Not because someone chose us out of a stack of papers because of our home decor style, dogs or love for adventure, but the most important thing which is our love for you.
Each passing day and each step closer brings us closer, but even though I feel we are getting closer, the waiting and passing of time gets harder and harder. Knowing we can take you home with us now, but we just don't know how or where to find you or what your name is breaks our hearts. For whatever reason, we are not quite ready for each other yet. I pray every single day as hard as I can that we will be united. That I will get a sign of where to find you. Of what your name is. Of what website you're on. I'm still waiting and praying, but I have so much faith you're out there and when the time is right we will be together. I pray that day comes soon.
I love you and can't wait to meet you and hold you
Mama
We just got our final copy of our homestudy! This is a huge step in getting to meet you and although we are growing impatient, the light is getting closer and we know how overwhelmingly worth it this all is.
Our homestudy makes us out to be these perfect people. This perfect family who you are supposed to fit perfectly into. Are we perfect? Absolutely not. But are we perfect for each other? Absolutely.
We know our homestudy may not describe exactly who we are and we have far more faults than that are listed, but what we do know is that our love for you is depicted perfectly and the most important thing? God knows our hearts and your heart better than any piece of paper or meeting can do. I know that He will put us together because we are meant to be. Not because someone chose us out of a stack of papers because of our home decor style, dogs or love for adventure, but the most important thing which is our love for you.
Each passing day and each step closer brings us closer, but even though I feel we are getting closer, the waiting and passing of time gets harder and harder. Knowing we can take you home with us now, but we just don't know how or where to find you or what your name is breaks our hearts. For whatever reason, we are not quite ready for each other yet. I pray every single day as hard as I can that we will be united. That I will get a sign of where to find you. Of what your name is. Of what website you're on. I'm still waiting and praying, but I have so much faith you're out there and when the time is right we will be together. I pray that day comes soon.
I love you and can't wait to meet you and hold you
Mama
Dad
Hi Princess,
I wanted to write you about your Dad and how much he loves you already. When your Dad and I first started dating, I knew I would marry him and he would be the love of my life and father of my children one day when we were talking on the phone. We lived 45 minutes apart from each other so we would talk every night for hours on the phone. We would talk about just about everything under the sun. From our day, our work lives, our family and friends, our faith and religion, etc. No matter how long we talked or how often we talked, we would never run out of things to say or topics to talk about. I remember one night, a few months into us dating pretty seriously the topic of kids was brought up. I have always known I wanted 2 kids and either two daughters or a daughter and a son, but I knew for sure I wanted kids through adoption. This is something we hadn't talked about before and I remember being so nervous to bring it up. When I did, he told me something I had never expected to hear...he wanted to adopt too.
He started talking about his daughter and how much he knows he will connect with you and love you. He told me he knew you would be a daddy's girl and he was terrified for when you started dating, when you got your heart broken and the day he's give you away when you got married. At this point in our relationship, we didn't know we'd be together and we didn't know you yet, yet we did. We knew our hearts and we knew you were out there waiting for us.
Your Dad may not be perfect in many different ways, just like me, but your Dad and I both love you so unconditionally. We chose you and we always will choose you.
Sweet dreams my sweet girl.
Mama
I wanted to write you about your Dad and how much he loves you already. When your Dad and I first started dating, I knew I would marry him and he would be the love of my life and father of my children one day when we were talking on the phone. We lived 45 minutes apart from each other so we would talk every night for hours on the phone. We would talk about just about everything under the sun. From our day, our work lives, our family and friends, our faith and religion, etc. No matter how long we talked or how often we talked, we would never run out of things to say or topics to talk about. I remember one night, a few months into us dating pretty seriously the topic of kids was brought up. I have always known I wanted 2 kids and either two daughters or a daughter and a son, but I knew for sure I wanted kids through adoption. This is something we hadn't talked about before and I remember being so nervous to bring it up. When I did, he told me something I had never expected to hear...he wanted to adopt too.
He started talking about his daughter and how much he knows he will connect with you and love you. He told me he knew you would be a daddy's girl and he was terrified for when you started dating, when you got your heart broken and the day he's give you away when you got married. At this point in our relationship, we didn't know we'd be together and we didn't know you yet, yet we did. We knew our hearts and we knew you were out there waiting for us.
Your Dad may not be perfect in many different ways, just like me, but your Dad and I both love you so unconditionally. We chose you and we always will choose you.
Sweet dreams my sweet girl.
Mama
Monday, February 8, 2016
Paper Pregnancy
Hi Sweet Girl,
Missing you so much today especially, but everyday. It was so sunny here today, about 70 degrees and full of sunlight. Your Dad and I went to the doctors office today for a checkup to make sure we are healthy enough to take care of you and have enough energy while you run and play. Luckily we passed and it was so worth it.
It's so strange to me that the only thing keeping us apart is time. Time spent waiting for our home study. Time spent waiting for the fingerprints to come back. Time spent waiting to find you; wherever you are. In that time, we are left dreaming about you, missing you terribly and loving you unconditionally.
We spent the day outside; gardening, planting and playing with the pups. We wondered what you will love doing in your days with us. Would you rather we set up the corner of your room with a play kitchen, dress up area or reading nook? We know whatever you love, we will love because we love you. Will our clingy bulldog become as attached to you as he does me? Will he sleep with you every night and keep you comforted if you have bad dreams?
We know you will fit perfectly into our lives because God planned all of this and you are made fearfully and wonderfully; through Him. In my daily prayers, I am reminded to be patient and that you are being protected.
I see so many parents out in the world who treat their children like such a burden. Like they are interrupting their lives and can't wait for an "escape". I know having kids must be stressful at times, but I wish I could shake those parents and remind them how unbelievably lucky they are to have had this child and be lucky enough to be their parent. When people hear we are adopting, whether unspoken or not, they assume we must be adopting because we aren't able to have our "own" children. We aren't bringing children into this world because we know you are out there and you are meant to be ours. You are our own child, please never ever let anyone tell you or make you think anyone different.
I love you, forever and always my sweet love. We can't wait to meet you.
Xoxo,
Mama
Missing you so much today especially, but everyday. It was so sunny here today, about 70 degrees and full of sunlight. Your Dad and I went to the doctors office today for a checkup to make sure we are healthy enough to take care of you and have enough energy while you run and play. Luckily we passed and it was so worth it.
It's so strange to me that the only thing keeping us apart is time. Time spent waiting for our home study. Time spent waiting for the fingerprints to come back. Time spent waiting to find you; wherever you are. In that time, we are left dreaming about you, missing you terribly and loving you unconditionally.
We spent the day outside; gardening, planting and playing with the pups. We wondered what you will love doing in your days with us. Would you rather we set up the corner of your room with a play kitchen, dress up area or reading nook? We know whatever you love, we will love because we love you. Will our clingy bulldog become as attached to you as he does me? Will he sleep with you every night and keep you comforted if you have bad dreams?
We know you will fit perfectly into our lives because God planned all of this and you are made fearfully and wonderfully; through Him. In my daily prayers, I am reminded to be patient and that you are being protected.
I see so many parents out in the world who treat their children like such a burden. Like they are interrupting their lives and can't wait for an "escape". I know having kids must be stressful at times, but I wish I could shake those parents and remind them how unbelievably lucky they are to have had this child and be lucky enough to be their parent. When people hear we are adopting, whether unspoken or not, they assume we must be adopting because we aren't able to have our "own" children. We aren't bringing children into this world because we know you are out there and you are meant to be ours. You are our own child, please never ever let anyone tell you or make you think anyone different.
I love you, forever and always my sweet love. We can't wait to meet you.
Xoxo,
Mama
Monday, January 25, 2016
Letter to my Daughter
Hello my love,
Your Dad and I are in the process of getting certified to one day take you home. It is such a process full of paperwork and lots and lots of waiting, but we know you are abundantly worth it.
We want you to know I pray for you everyday. I pray you are being kept safe, being shown love and affection and that wherever you are; in a troubled situation, safe in a foster home or in a perfectly normal situation now you know you are loved and wanted. I pray for your family. For your birth parents and all your relatives. I pray they know how special you are and how we are out there and can't wait to meet you.
We have dreamed about you, time and time again. We see you playing, calling me mama and playing with your Daddy. I feel so blessed and lucky to have those dreams because I feel like I get to spend time with you, but I wake up missing you so terribly, even though we haven't met yet.
I wonder if when we meet we'll feel like we've known each other all our lives, or if I will feel like a stranger to you. I wonder if you'll call me Mama, Mommy or just Danielle. I wonder how old you are and what your hopes and dreams are. Whatever it may be, please know I'll love you just the same either way.
Today, I met my first stranger who asked about you. She asked if your Dad and I were able to have our "own children". I thought for a second before replying that you would be our own child; that we didn't need biology to love you just the same. I hope you know that too.
Last night, I had the first nightmare I could remember in my life. In my nightmare, someone was coming towards my room. I couldn't speak. I was terrified. Your Dad woke me up, held me and told me it was all going to be okay and that it was just a dream. After staying awake for a few minutes, waiting to get that nightmare out of my mind, I wondered if that's how you feel too? Laying in bed with footsteps that you don't know to whom they belong. Being terrified because you don't know if you can trust them. I prayed you don't feel that way; before, now or ever. I pray you are being kept safe and comforted from the nightmares before we can be there. I pray you always feel safe and you don't know fear, nightmares or terror. I prayed because I was thankful for that nightmare. I was thankful I would know the fear you may have know so I can comfort you. I prayed because I was thankful your Dad was there to comfort me just as I know he will you. I hope you know that too.
Most of all, I hope you know just how much I'll always love you,
Xo,
Mama
Your Dad and I are in the process of getting certified to one day take you home. It is such a process full of paperwork and lots and lots of waiting, but we know you are abundantly worth it.
We want you to know I pray for you everyday. I pray you are being kept safe, being shown love and affection and that wherever you are; in a troubled situation, safe in a foster home or in a perfectly normal situation now you know you are loved and wanted. I pray for your family. For your birth parents and all your relatives. I pray they know how special you are and how we are out there and can't wait to meet you.
We have dreamed about you, time and time again. We see you playing, calling me mama and playing with your Daddy. I feel so blessed and lucky to have those dreams because I feel like I get to spend time with you, but I wake up missing you so terribly, even though we haven't met yet.
I wonder if when we meet we'll feel like we've known each other all our lives, or if I will feel like a stranger to you. I wonder if you'll call me Mama, Mommy or just Danielle. I wonder how old you are and what your hopes and dreams are. Whatever it may be, please know I'll love you just the same either way.
Today, I met my first stranger who asked about you. She asked if your Dad and I were able to have our "own children". I thought for a second before replying that you would be our own child; that we didn't need biology to love you just the same. I hope you know that too.
Last night, I had the first nightmare I could remember in my life. In my nightmare, someone was coming towards my room. I couldn't speak. I was terrified. Your Dad woke me up, held me and told me it was all going to be okay and that it was just a dream. After staying awake for a few minutes, waiting to get that nightmare out of my mind, I wondered if that's how you feel too? Laying in bed with footsteps that you don't know to whom they belong. Being terrified because you don't know if you can trust them. I prayed you don't feel that way; before, now or ever. I pray you are being kept safe and comforted from the nightmares before we can be there. I pray you always feel safe and you don't know fear, nightmares or terror. I prayed because I was thankful for that nightmare. I was thankful I would know the fear you may have know so I can comfort you. I prayed because I was thankful your Dad was there to comfort me just as I know he will you. I hope you know that too.
Most of all, I hope you know just how much I'll always love you,
Xo,
Mama
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